Time and Light Switches

I’ve taken to doodling in my journal. First thing in the morning I get up and have some quite time, read my bible, read from a personal development book, and then write in my journal. And in that journal I’ve taken to doodling in the blank spaces.   My art used to be totally and completely comprised of my desperate attempt to understand myself. It was all born of my need to communicate and having no other way to do so. All my art up until about 4 years ago was me trying to communicate and process that which was not logical or tangible. I was just trying to understand myself and the world around me.  Now a days my art feels a little less intense but no less deep. And I’ve come back to letting my process be a part of my art, letting my internal and external circumstance not get in the way but rather join in the creating. I’ve spent the last few years trying to create around what I was feeling, rather than let it become a part of the process I let my ‘feelings’ be the thing t...

In a perfect world I would continue in my breakdown of the creative process uninterrupted, but this week I need to be honest. This week my creative process has consisted of distractions. I’ve knit when my anxiety got too high, and painted when my head got too full of feelings. I wrote when the words were flowing but otherwise it has been kind of dry this week. Not in my eyes, no my eyes are an ocean, but in the creativity, it’s just a distraction and a way to find some beauty in the middle of my grief.  And it’s okay to go find some beauty for myself while I continue to grieve, it’s okay that there’s some laughing in the middle of the weeping.  And it’s okay that all the creating did for me this week was put a bandaid on a bullet hole, it’s okay that all I did this week was try.  Grief really makes no apologies to it’s visitors, and I’ll make no mistake to try and kick grief out before it’s taught me all it will. But I have few words to write this week, and it’s ok...

Last week I briefly talked about how I thought my poor sleeping might be connected to my lack of creative outlet, and now I can say I am 90% certain it at least contributes to it. I sometimes experience mild bouts of insomnia, and my theory last was that my lack of creating was adding to the severity of the insomnia, and my theory has proved true. Now it’s not the root cause but it adds to the problem. On Monday I did the sketching/ planning for a new gauche painting in my sketch book. Because I needed something low stakes to get back into the swing of painting. It was just something simple and something I knew I could accomplish, it was an attainable goal. That night I slept better than I had in over a week.   Last week I also discussed what I called the dreaming stage, the beginning to the creative processes, the getting inspired and getting an idea. This week I want to continue and talk about the planning.  I’m not really a planner by nature, it’s something I’ve had to ...

  Last week was one to rest and this week was one to rejuvenate. I’ve started to get the itchy feeling of I want to create, a sort of beginning to restlessness. I’ve started not sleeping well again and I have to wonder if its because I haven’t done much creating in the last 14 days. Creating is such an integral part of how I function that it can impact every part of what makes me tick. So I have to wonder if the not sleeping is connected to the not creating. Last week I needed to rest, but this week has gotten busy so I’m starting to get a bit swirly in my head, I need an outlet. So tomorrow the plan in to make something, do something, anything to take the edge off.   The itchy feeling isn’t all bad though, a big part of it is the inspiration stage, the part of the creative process where I get excited, where I feel giddy. The only real problem I’m facing in it this week is that I haven’t had the capacity to give enough time to the inspiration. So I’ve had many ideas and flee...