Time and Light Switches

Lately I’ve been uninspired to create. To write, paint, draw, or even sew. To be inspired I have to be living, and there isn’t much living to be done in a time like this. And the living that I’ve been doing is either very boring or much too raw. The most inspiring times I’ve had were in the midst of lived chaos. In a time like this where I can only see the chaos and I am not in the throws of it, it is hard to create.  Inspiration is a funny and a fickle thing. I am often in search of it and am unlikely to find it. Inspiration more often finds me. In the midst of life creativity is found. I take inspiration from my own process and thoughts. Though most of the creativity that comes of my own head and heart isn’t easy to share.  It is easy to convey and confess one's faith and beliefs. It is hard to be honest and open about one's feelings and innermost workings. Art created from the former is easy to share because it is known that others will relate and appetite. Art tha...

Over this holiday/isolation my family have taken to playing a number of games. I have discovered in this time that I, like most, do not like to lose. Having not been a part of organized competition until the age of 15 I have some strange feelings about it all. My oldest and youngest brothers however are very competitive. They love to compete and hate to lose.  I was a dancer for 10 years and was never in the competitive part of it. I'm an artist and writer,  needless to say I don't have much of a competitive spirit. Of course there are parts of life that are overtly competition based, I've simply avoided them at all costs.  Competition is somewhat of an estranged concept to me. My life for the most part has lacked  it and I've never felt the need to seek it out. Even at 15 when I joined my high school softball team I didn't much mind the winning or losing. Given we didn't win a single game until my senior year, I still was more in it for the friend...

Something that keeps me up at night... We as children never want to go to bed for fear of missing out, now as adults we want nothing more than to go to sleep. We want to sleep so badly that we will drug ourselves in order to get there. We want to miss out on life because we know it hurts, we also know that it is something to rejoice about. So what makes us choose sleep and the void that comes with it, over potential joy and pleasure? Potential is the key word, potenal, it's not a given, it may not always be the case, and sometimes it is anything but. We as humans, stuck to live in a world dammed to sin, will always fear the potential, the 50/50 chance, the things that take work and even when we put in the work it doesn’t give a guarantee. Children don’t ever want to miss a minute of life, the saying ignorance is bliss comes to mind, they do not yet know the pearls of life. However in the beginning we are willing to hope and forgive, based solely on the promise of our parents ...

Winter- They're the kind of friend who gets you into trouble in the name of fun. They're moody and like to shout and has absolutely no filter. They have their moment where they'll pull away and you won't get much out of them. They'll sit by the fire and ponder the mysteries of the world. And then something will set them raging and you'll end up hiding under your bed hoping they'll mistake you for a monster.  Spring- Somehow they're louder than Winter, in appearance anyways. There will be screams of triumph and victory. They will constantly be in your face begging you to come on adventures that make no sense.  Sometimes they just screams because they're happy to have survived. They wear too much perfume, this sickly sweet sent of flowers that clings to everything within a 10 mile radius.    Summer- They love to sit by the pool and loves and loves and loves. They loves some many things that when they say "I love you," they don't seem ...