Inspired and Uninspired

Lately I’ve been uninspired to create. To write, paint, draw, or even sew. To be inspired I have to be living, and there isn’t much living to be done in a time like this. And the living that I’ve been doing is either very boring or much too raw. The most inspiring times I’ve had were in the midst of lived chaos. In a time like this where I can only see the chaos and I am not in the throws of it, it is hard to create. 
Inspiration is a funny and a fickle thing. I am often in search of it and am unlikely to find it. Inspiration more often finds me. In the midst of life creativity is found. I take inspiration from my own process and thoughts. Though most of the creativity that comes of my own head and heart isn’t easy to share. 
It is easy to convey and confess one's faith and beliefs. It is hard to be honest and open about one's feelings and innermost workings. Art created from the former is easy to share because it is known that others will relate and appetite. Art that comes from the later is equivalent to pulling one's heart out of their chest and putting it on display for all to see and criticize. 
To say that I am completely uninspired would be a lie. To say that I am unwilling to share some of the innermost part of myself would be true. There is a level and degree from which I am comfortable sharing, and at this time it isn’t as deep as I would like. I wish I could share all the parts but putting my heart on display isn’t exactly what I had in mind today.
If I possessed more courage and bravery I surely would invite all to take a look inside my soul. However I am but an old soul in a young life and the soul is a messy place. One day I’ll overcome the fear of man and on that day some people will wish I hadn't. If only because they ended up in my art and I painted them in such a way they had never seen before. 
Inspiration and being so inspired that you just can’t help but create, is something I chase. It's something I’ve found in living life to the fullest but I've also found it amongst the pain and wreckage of some of life's tragedies. 
When inspiration knocks on the door, take its hand and go see where it leads you. Who knows, maybe it will lead you to unexplored reaches. Maybe it’ll simply lead you further into understanding yourself. 

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