family vacation

Theres a certain flavour of grace in a family vacation. I’m blessed to have a loving, and caring family who’s conviction is love. 

It means that when we’re on vacation I’m able to simply be. In the messiest and most refreshing way. I’m given the time to fall back together. After the weight of the world has taken its toll, I’m given a small and short reprieve. It’s all I need. Just a bit of time to come back to myself and brace myself for the continuation of burdens borne. 

But for a short time I have time. I’m held and steered in the way of carful waters, I’m taken care of. I’ve been given the gift of a time where someone else takes the weight to keep me going. Burdens are to be borne. They are meant to be carried and held and become a part of the deal. 

It’s a grace to let go and be taken care of. It does not come easy to me, that’s why it takes grace. I’m the buckle down, tighten up, and get it done on your own type of person. It gets lonely. And there are times where that couldn’t be called anything less than a gift. And there are times it couldn’t be called anything more than a weakness. 

I really am so blessed to have a caring family that will care for me when I’m in my bad places. They care enough to sit with my while I weep and fall apart to better places. It is not boasting, it’s humility and knowing I’d be far away without them. 

Family vacations are full of laughs and yelling and tight spaces. But most importantly they are full of love in a tangible flame. It’s hard to explain. But I’d be lost if not for the precocious time we spent together. 

So day I’m a bit sad. Because the times are changing, and it will never be quite like this again. Thats a good thing, but I’ve never been good at hiding from change. And here we are again and will be soon again, it keeps coming back around like the sun, but it feels like the moon. 

I guess what I’m trying, failing, to say is that I will hold the memories of this past vacation close to my heart. And I will hold them there long past the time when I remember them. They will be the piece of paper I pull out of my head and hold to my chest when I need a drop of sunshine to keep going. 

I’d blow you a kiss if I knew you were reading and I’d blow you a kiss if you were here. But just know, the next time I see you I’ll only say hello and I'll mean to be saying, “Thank you, I love you.”