Why We Need People

There are times when I want to start over, in a far away city, in a far away place. To just make a simple living. There are days when it feels like it would be easier to leave for a home in the woods and fade into legend. 

The part of me that wishes to be hurt by people no more wants to give up and exist only within solitude. It feels like it would be so much easier. 


But I love people much more than I’ll ever be able to admit. And I wouldn’t be able to live with myself knowing that I hurt people in my leaving. I just don’t want to be hurt anymore. I don’t want it to feels so hard. 


The weight of exception and responsibility can make one feel like Atlas. It’s why we need people. Why we need God. We were never meant to carry it all alone. We were never meant to carry more than our cross. But sometimes even that feels too heavy. 


When those days are upon me I know nothing else to do; other than weep and not deny the weight it’s right of existence. I let it settle on my shoulders and hope to become accustomed with the newness of the weight. 


Even if in the past I’ve laid down my life and taken up my cross, I find after a time I’ll have picked up new things to carry. It’s not necessarily right but it is human. I can not fault myself for being touched by this world. I can only fault that I do not always wish to correct myself. 


It is often that I simply wish to be left to my self inflicted misery. It is yet another reason that I need God. Why I need people. I need something other than myself to tell me to keep going. It is not perfect, but it is real. 


If I am nothing in this life but people remember me to be real then I will be happy. If the only thing I leave behind is the knowledge that I loved people well, I will have done my job. 

So I will continue to bear my cross and hope that one day it all makes sense. When life has become a mess that makes anything but sense I will simply hope. Just hope. If nothing else there is always hope. 

Comments

  1. KatieH.September 15, 2020 at 7:18 PM

    "We were never meant to carry more than our cross"...such a profound statement.

    ReplyDelete

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