thankfulness and writers block

I’ve discovered the source of my writers block and slump. I’ve reached and shot past the word count of my first novel and now the book I’m currently writing in the longest thing I’ve ever written. For the last two and half weeks I couldn’t quite figure why I was feeling so sluggish in my writing and it finally occurred to me what it was. Book two is now the longest thing I’ve ever written at over 65,000 words and climbing. 

When I finished the first draft of book one it ended at just over 59,000 words and now sits a few thousand above than after two full rounds of edits. While book two is still very much so not done and the words count just keeps on climbing and climbing. 

I remember when I finally finished draft one of book one and just how absolutely tired and exhausted I was. Now I’ve written more than that and still have a ways to go. So my fatigue all the sudden makes a heck of a lot more sense to me. So I think I’ve once again found some grace for myself and will just shuffle along slowly till the momentum picks back up again. 

Upon giving myself grace to go at it slowly the pace has slowly but surly picked back up. It was a few longish days of only being able to add a small number of words but finally on Tuesday the pacing got back to what felt like normal. It was a tedious process get back up to the 1,000 words in a day mark but since I hit it it was a sweet relief. I had, at one point, thought I’d lost my bearings completely and was about doomed to have another failed draft on my hands. A bit dramatic I’ll admit, but I was feeling a little more than blue about it so the relief was palpable. 

So much of writing takes a trust in ones self. I find myself needing to doubt the doubt more than anything. Too much distance from my projects, unfortunately in this case, doesn’t make my heart grow fonder it only makes me grumpy and think poorly of all I’ve done. It’s silly and more than a little ridiculous, but thats what being an artist can be like. I’d like to believe one day I might finally cease to feel like a fraud, but in case I never grow out of this tireless trepidation, I’ll need to go on doubting the doubt. 

I remember when I was writing my first novel I found it challenging to switch from writing it to writing these blog posts. It was like flipping between the parts of my writing brain took an extra amount of work. Oddly while writing this second book I find myself jumping from piece to piece with little pause needed. Sometimes I don’t want to switch from one project to the next but once I’m in it I’m fine in a way I never was while writing the other book. It’s anyones guess as to why, weather it be the story itself, the difference in the process this time around, or just my own growth as a writer. Only time will tell I suppose, best not to think to hard lest I end up in a pit. 

Writers block is a funny and fickle thing that I wouldn’t dream of saying I had a handle on, however having found the root cause of it for this instance has proved immensely helpful. Once I realized what was going on inside of me, and why I was hesitating and dragging my feet, I could truly let myself walk instead of forcing myself to run. Funny how that works, if don’t I have to run and am allowed to walk I’ll always end up eventually running, something about free will and all that I suppose. 

Anyhow, seeing as though it is American Thanksgiving and the holiday season has truly descended upon us, I’ll say the cheesy stuff. I am thankful for my writing process and all it does for my benefit and growth not just as a writer but as a person too. I’m thankful that I have an avenue to share my ramblings about my process and thankful I get to do what I love and go on loving it. Happy Thanksgiving and thank you for being here.