onwards

The days spent since finishing my latest creative project have been something strange. I have spent the not long enough days wringing my hands behind my back and quaking with the reality that I am to get on with the publishing process. The daunting mountain that is the thought of letting what has only been my story be read by many, it is nothing short of breathtaking. And I suppose it is not always an awe-struck thief of breath, but a foreboding one. 

It is the crux of being an artist of any form, to release what was once and perhaps intended, to only be for ones self and allow it into the hands of others. It is baffling and confounding at best, unnerving and nausea inducing at worst. To be known in this way, it takes a certain kind of courage. 

I am greatly new to the publishing process, so it in-of-itself is daunting, and overwhelming. No matter the path I’ve chosen, to self publish, there are a great deal of details, not all of which come easily to me. I am however greatly blessed to have parents who are networkers by disposition and have been the champions of my dream. A gratitude I will no sooner forget as the starts begin falling from the sky. 

The process is long and the moment when I begin to truly grapple and understand where I am at, I am thrown a curve ball. Sometimes, often times, of my own making, but it is disruptive enough to send me off balance. However I have come this far and it would be a shame indeed to waste all that I’ve done now. A waste to give up only because I’m finding it hard again. It was hard to begin with, and new things are always hard to hold. 

So I will continue, to learn and grow, and perceiver, because if nothing else I have earned the right to see this through to the end. This coming week will start anew, where I have one less excuse to continue to put it off, and I will begin again the process of seeing the end brought forth. And then, hopefully, there will be a truly completed book to grace the hands that have watched this far, and the ones who haven’t yet. 

This dream truly is the joy of my life, and as much as I may bemoan the process a points, it is a gift to pursue this dream of mine.