Time and Light Switches

There is a monster who lives in me. He is the care taker of my garden which grows creativity. This monster he is incessant, obsessive, and has yet to take day off. He is a good gardener, great even, he just never stops.   He is blue and fuzzy and has the cutest little horns in place of ears. He could care less if I harvest any of the different and strange things he grows. He’ll go on planting and weeding and watering and planting some more. Planting its his favourite.  He never harvests, that’s my job. He will even go so far as to plant outside of the garden when it becomes too full. Setting up plant pots in any spare place he can find.When I fail to harvest from the garden what is grown there eventually dies and stinks up the whole place.  I am an extremely creative person. So much so that when I fail to create my creativity becomes harmful. Taking over all of my functioning parts and wrecking mayhem. When I do nothing with the gift of my creativity it kills me. Or t...

Being seen is a sacrifice. Being heard is a risk. There is no safety to be found in either of these. But silence suffocates. It suffocates slowly and if left alone long enough is forgotten. To run with reckless abandon towards yourself is more than a risk. It’s terrifying and it unsettles the people who think they know you most. It shakes up their normal because they can’t help but think, “how dare you kill the person we thought you were!”  But you have more than the right to be you and the youest you you can be. It is in the very DNA, the very essence of those who have been created. You are meant to be you. No one else can be you nor should you be anyone else.  Being your trustiest you unapologetically is world shaking scary but it is where true freedom is found. If being you means people leave you, they shouldn’t have been there in the first place. It’s a hard truth, but truth nonetheless.  Choosing authenticity over fitting in is not the road most traveled. It i...

i feel woefully poetic with nothing new to spew in my sweatshirt and slippers  and my melancholy music it is a grey day and i love it gloriously grey the leaves are falling  and i can’t make them stay the bees have yet to sleep  and so have i  will you leave ? if i let it all fall away will you leave me ? i’m bleeding words  i don’t understand  and they keep falling into places  i can’t reach  what a time  to be alive a time to breathe  and a time to see the sky  and ask it why ?

I feel so flammable.   So quick to cry. So easy to break.   His presences wrecks me,  sets me a light,  turns me away from myself,  and creates a safe place.  It’s been a mess of a week  and I’m not sure what story to tell  or how to tell it.  My heart finally got the recognition it deserves, but I can’t help but feel it took up too much time, it was beautiful and so full of mess.   It’s been a mess of a week. Where the one prior and the one before that I had been content to sit in the storm. This disaster of a week has taken it all out of me. But I’m so much more ready to fight. The part of me that want to quit has only fuelled my fire to fight.  To fight for my life, fight for myself, fight for my heart and it’s desires.  I won’t give up on myself this time. Just because it’s getting hard I can’t give up this time. I’ll look pain in the face and say “your time is coming, it’s not long before you’ll be gon...

I lack the words for now. Now is filled with a continued march towards a greater acceptance of self and a journey. An adventure with the only guid being the dreams of my heart. I have no more answers of how to get there than I do for how the stars were hung in the sky. And why the leafs fall, beautifully they fall.   I know not what to do other than sit in the now and see where the gentle brook designs to bring me. There are times for planning and times for dreaming. I’ve come to a time of letting my dream hold my hand and simply let it lead the way.  I was never good at taking ownership for my life. I would simply let others tell me what to do how to do it and when to do it and where. Now, I’ve dreamed a dream and I think I will simply follow that. Because even if it only leads to the stillness of the woods it will have been mine. My choice, my action, my life. I think I’d like that very much.  I could live with that. If all I did was follow my dreams in an endless ...