What's Next

I’m not very good at writing about the things that make me happy. Maybe it’s because I didn’t start out writing about the good things, I started because I didn’t see another way out, I started writing because it was my lifeline. All that said I’ll try my best to tell you a happy story today. 

I haven’t seen my dear friend in over two years and in only a few days I’ll be off to see her. I’ve been waiting for this moment since I last saw her, crying in Amsterdam saying I would never forget her. We met at a school in Amsterdam and have kept up with each other as best we could. She has become one of my dearest friends and I have missed her much.


I also haven’t been back to the country of my birth for longer than a few weeks in many many years. I’ve visited a handful of times over the years but never for longer than a few weeks. Now I get to go to what I still call home for almost three months. Suffice to say my writing schedule is gonna get a little messed up, but it will be well worth it. 


It is strange, to leave the home I’ve known for the longest and go to the home of my heart. It is text-book biter sweet. And the moment I realized that it would be hard to leave was the moment I knew I could truly leave now, that it was time. That I’d come to love one of places that makes me who I am and not just the one I was born in. 


I have not always enjoyed living here as long as I have. I never planned to be here for so long and if it had been completely up to me, we would have left as soon as we got here. I didn’t like it when we moved here. And it’s taken the two years I’ve lived here as an adult to come to love it. I had to choose to love where I was or cease to thrive. It wasn’t much of a choice. This is a sticky place, people come and get a little stuck here. Depending on your view there’s nothing wrong with that. But from where I’ve sat and from the places I’ve come from it’s not all as great as it looks. 


To tell you the truth my feelings are all tied in knots and I’ve been trying to figure out how I feel. I am beyond excited for what I’m going to. I just can’t help but feel as though I’m leaving something here when I go. As far as I know I’ll be back in January but with the world looking as it does who knows at this point. I sure don’t, I’m just gonna do my best to enjoy the time I have and see where it leads me. 

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