Homesick

Homesick. It’s a feeling I haven’t had to think about, hadn’t felt, it two years. Like a lot of people I’ve been cooped up the last few years because of the state of the world. But recently I said no more and when to visit some people who are very dear to me. I had had enough and just went for it. It has been incredibly rewarding, and way harder than I though it would be. 


First I got the flu, and if you’ve ever been sick away from where you call home you know that that is particular type of homesick. A kind of sad. A longing for safety and comfort. But in that time I learned to let someone take care of me, I had to let go of the belief that I was burden. Had to accept that it was okay to let someone take care of me. 


Then just simply being in a new environment was difficult. I hadn’t really had to deal with new things in that way in a while. It was quite the shock to the system. I learned to embrace the awkward, as my mom would say, and just be okay with not being comfortable. As much as I hate it it’s true what they say about your comfort zone. It’s nearly impossible to grow there. Though I believe there’s wisdom in knowing what season you need to be in, one spent healing in your comfort zone or one spent pushing out and growing. I’m in a season where I am simultaneously healing and growing, it’s not comfortable but it is good. It’s just like the gospel, He never said it would be easy but He did say it would be good. 


Now I’m at the next turning point, the one where I continue onto my next destination. Onward to see people who I choose to call family, because they have been there just as long as family. I haven’t seen them in over ten years but it does matter they’re still family in my heart, and that’s all that really counts. I’m so excited for the reunion that has been more than a long time coming. But I am sad to leave my friend. It’s not easy to live with the two during emotions that really are the same. They’re both love, just a different shade of it. 


And isn’t that what this whole thing called life is about, love? You know the bible makes a long list of what love is, not once does it say it is easy. As you can see I’m back on my old things ranting about love. But really I don’t think I’ll ever run out of things to say about love, and I think that speaks for its self. 


I’ve learn today, while having a head splitting migraine, that fighting homesickness doesn’t really work. Shoving it down and just muscling through doesn’t actually do anything but make it worse. It’ll just keep coming back again and again. I kinda quickly gave up and called my dad because my heart was heavy with missing my family. And the oddest thing, when he hung up I really did feel quite a bit better. It isn’t weakness to miss your family and it isn’t weakness to give in to the desire to call them. I don’t know where I got that crappy belief, but I’m happy to say I won’t be subscribed to it anymore.


Being homesick isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of a loving family. My parents told me they were proud of my willingness to leave and go figure it out. And I can’t wait to be able to see  them and tell them of all I’ve accomplished. But more than that I’m just excited to see them and give them a hug. There’s a funny portion of love that comes with being homesick. It is strangely beautiful. 

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