Farewell to Another Year

 I didn’t have much to say, which really was that I had too much to say and had no words to explain it. Because I’m sitting here in a time of transition and change and I’m in the fourth house in 3 weeks. I haven’t slept in my own bed in over two months and there is nothing I long for more at this point. I’m a creature of simple desires and all I want is to go home and now I’m out in the sun when it should be snow. 

This is the honest truth of what it’s like to live life. Its messy and contradicting and doesn’t make sense and doesn’t feel purposeful 100% of the time. And it’s the times like this where I lose my words and am only left with the colours to express the inside of me. 

So often we idealize and praise success and accomplishments and fail to see the value in simply continuing on. At this point all I can do is continue and keep going and hope that its enough. Because in times of change things get real messy and my insides are all purple with confusion. And my mind is green with wandering and my heart is blue with grieving and dreaming. So least to say there is a lot happening inside and not all of it sits heavy in my soul.

I’ve talked often about honesty and the importance of it, and when it comes time to eat my own words I tend to choke. Because I don’t want to be honest and say that this year was harder than I even want to admit and it’s been more full of chaos than I’ve made it out to be. But just because it’s been hard doesn’t mean it hasn’t been good, because by golly it has been so so so good and full of so so so much love. Although difficulty and goodness don’t cancel each other out, they just walk hand it hand through the park.

I suppose this is my farewell to 2021 and I’m saying I’m glade I made it through and I would never choose to not have walked through this fire. But if I see that particular flame on the horizon again I’ll walk the other way, because I’ve learned my lesson this time. And isn’t that a part of life, hoping you learn your lesson and hoping this time it will stick. 

I started this year in a very different place than I’m ending it. I think I started it fighting for hope in the nice kind way. And I think I’m ending it fighting for hope in the real and honest way. If anything this year has taught me to hold onto my fire and if people get angry its because they weren’t listening when I said don’t touch my fire. 

I’m excited for the new year, because it will be new and so will all of us. And I’m not going to make a resolution I’m just going to bring good things with me and leave the junk behind. Really I’m gonna leave the simple things simple and leave the big things big and let life throw what it will at me, because peace is what I follow.