To Celebrate

Celebration is a funny thing. It often feels self centred or even arrogance driven. But only when I’m looking at myself. I’ve always seen others celebrating as a wonderful and beautiful thing but if I were to celebrate myself it was selfish, it was gross and evil. Dramatic I know, but I really didn’t love myself enough to think I was worth celebrating. It’s taken a lot of work and perseverance to make it to this place where I can love myself enough to want to celebrate. 


Today marks Time and Light Switches two year anniversary. Our second birthday if you will. There were more times than I’d like to admit this past year when I thought about giving up and throwing in the towel. And every time I would push my way through, I would write my post about how I didn’t want to write if I had to. So long as I made it happen, so long as I had done something. 


I didn’t set out with an end goal when I began this adventure two years ago. I set out with a conviction and a need, a desire to at least try. To try to do something with all knowledge and wisdom and life I’d lived. That was the driving force, just a simple conviction and not much else. But two years later here I sit and I still don’t really know where I’m going or what I’ll do when I get there, but I know I’m better off having found the courage to keep going. To keep writing and keep moving even when it felt pointless and heavy.


I don’t think somethings value is determined by its difficulty, but often the things that last, the real things that are worth something, they come with a cost. And I’ve paid a price, to sit where I sit. To have come as far as I have. I count the cost every week and I pay it in full. I can’t begin to tally the number of tears I’ve spilled sitting at this computer, pouring ever ounce of my heart into this dream with no expiration date. I’d say they could fill an ocean with the tears I’ve cried, but really I’d only fill pound. Maybe a pool, but damn-it you can’t say I didn’t try. 


I still don’t think I truly understand celebration, I don’t think I quite know how to do it for myself but I’m still gonna try. To celebrate I will have dinner with my family and then we will have some pie. Because I don’t really know what else to do. But like I said I’m gonna try, because I am worth it. Because I am worth enough to myself to celebrate; even when it feels awkward and uncomfortable. 


Happy two years Time and Light Switches, and thank you. 


The bells are tolling

and the birds are singing

and the wind is calling


It is here 

the time has come

we are here to cheer


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