Fear is a Liar

I’m reaching the end of my project. Not the long term writing one, the series of paintings that I’ve been working on since last fall. I probably have about 12 hours of work left before it is all completed and ready for selling. It doesn't really feel real. 

I grew up saying that I would be an artist when I grew up. And it’s incredibly strange to look up and realize that I’m living in my childhood dream. 

Sometimes, like today, I stand in wonder at how I’ve made it here. Really some days I am quite shocked, because if you have met me you’d see that I’m quite a soft person, quite shy and even a little bit awkward. What I’m trying to say is that I don’t think I have a typical artist type personality. I think sometimes we introverts think we can hide in our art but it tends to backfire on us. Because I don’t like to be completely alone in my art, so to the masses I go. Sharing what I’ve learned and all I hope to accomplish. 

I think we artists take the long journey inwards and find that no man was meant to live alone, that art is meant to be shared no matter how scary, painful, or revealing. The art is meant to come out of our hearts and change the course of history. Truly I think we artist may have a bigger role to play than we would like to accept. 

With how long I’ve spent being paralyzed by what others have said and what I’ve thought they think, it doesn’t make much sense that I would still continue onwards. But for all the paralysis I never truly thought of giving up. Only once, and it passed as quickly as it came. 

I’ve sat in the fear of it all. The fear of rejection, of not being good enough, of being a fraud, and I’ve learned that fear is a liar. Fear will do and say anything to get you to not, to just simply not, not do the right thing, not say no, not make the big change, all fear wants is to control. So I learned to sit in the fear and learned to not let it rule me. Doesn’t mean I don’t get scared, I just sit with it a moment and let it teach me something new. And in the great wise words of my mother, I just don’t unpack and live there; that’s the key to working through any and all emotions. 

All that’s to say, in the coming weeks I’ll have a post or two about the paintings specifically and thank you. Thanks for coming on this adventure of creativity and artistry and I hope you’ll continue on discovering new and exciting things about yourself and your art with me. 

It had been an continues to be an absolute pleasure. Happy creating, and see you next week!