my little pinky finger

I may have sprained the pinky finger of my left hand. I’m not sure, all I know is that it was weird enough to need some rest. But it made me think, I really need to take care of my hands. It’s an obvious, a given, that I would take care of my computer and my paint brushes but it skipped me that my hands would be just as important, no more. Because at the end of the day I can always by a new brush if it gets wrecked, but I only have my two hands for this life. 


There truly are some beautifully obvious things that take me a long time to learn. I’ve heard it said that the beauty of this life is real because life has an expiration date. As a Christian I can’t say I completely agree, but I do think there is much compassion to be found. I think I’m more soft on me when I remember that I only get this one try and its okay if I need to wear a blanket like a cape to fight my monsters. I think compassion comes when I remember my heart never grows up and I get to be a child at heart so long as I take care of me. 


So I may have sprained my pinky finger on my left hand, and it’s okay. They say there is beauty to be found everywhere so long as you are daring enough to look. And I gotta say I do agree. Because this time when my body was hurting my first thought was how can I make this better, not woah is me. Because this time I was okay with the need to rest and when I looked in the mirror it was with compassion, not judgment. 


When I said to my friend that I had big exciting things coming but that I was overwhelmed by the details, all she spoke to me was with love and with a tender heart. I think kindness is underrated. 


I wrote about the mountains last summer, how they stoped looking like malicious giants who would grind my bones, and started looking like freedom. Started looking like an old friends hug. I wrote about how I no longer thought life was the big difficult thing to contend with, but was rather a river I was blessed to be swimming in. 


I think kindness, compassion, tenderness, and love are all things we can’t live without, and yet we tend to leave them as nice thoughts. I think we ought to act with love more than we think about it. So I didn’t get much writing or painting done this week, because it was more loving to rest. 


I know I say this a lot, I practically shout it at you through these writings, but I really do believe it is important to rest and it is important to live life at your pace. Not the one anyone else sets for you, not in any way other than the way you need to. It’s okay to start collage at 45, and its okay to run after being a published author at 22. There is no time line, only the one you make for yourself, and even then its still your choice to follow it or not. 


This week I learned, I only have two hands.

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