This Year...

Another year makes ready to bid us good-bye: and I can honestly say, I’m not ready this time. In all years past I’ve been burnet out, ready to just move on even without any direction. This time I know where I’m going, at least more so than ever before. And somehow knowing where I’m going makes me want to stay right here… just a little while longer. 


I am not ready to bid farewell to the year where I met peace, where I learned the right way to hold onto hope, where I grabbed life by the neck and said I will make you mine. 


This year began in such a way I was not expecting. There were many surprises along the way, many beautiful and exciting, a few that knocked me on my butt. All the same, I believe this year has been one of the best yet, like I might just be beginning to age like wine, not rotting away like veggies left out too long. 


It feels like just yesterday I was arriving home from my long stay across the border. I suppose it is like the saying goes, time flies while you’re having fun. I’d like to update it though, time flies while you’re living life well. Because it wasn’t always fun, half the time is was harder than ever before, but becoming healthy requires growth and sometimes that means pruning away the dead parts. 


Growing up and moving on looked like letting go. Letting go of how others saw me, of how I thought things should be, of how I wanted things to be rather than needed. It was letting go of expectations and letting go of the old dead habits that no longer served me well. Sometimes it was letting go of the things that could have been and letting go of holding on. 


This year I tried some new things. Here, on the blog, I started writing predominantly about my creative process, and what a joy I have found that to be. I tried new foods, most of which I didn’t like but it was the trying that counts. I tried new habits, a new morning schedule, that changed my life. I tried new eating habits, like viewing food as valuable to my heath, not an interruption  to getting things done. I wrote stopping for food breaks into my to-do lists. 


For this coming year I can already see three big things coming, and don’t get me wrong I’m excited, but big is big. And I’ve come to understand about myself that I am one for the simple and small, where the thought counts more. And that’s okay, so I’m going to prepare myself for the big things because they are coming whether I’m ready or not. 


This year I turned 22 and it was the first year where getting older felt right, like my body is finally catching up to my brain, to my heart. I’m not quite ready to get much older. But its gonna be okay, because if I’ve already walked though all this fire, I think I can take a little more. 


I did fail at some things too, I bought the cards and never sent them. I tried running and gave up, I had my bad moments where I messed up and had to apologize. I didn’t do everything perfectly and I didn’t always extend grace where I ought to have. But failing is okay because it creating learning. So yes I failed sometimes, which means I learned sometimes too. 


Oh 2023 maybe I am ready to take you on, just please pretty pretty please let me catch my breath. 

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