Almost There

Nowadays it is the norm to go to collage or university even when you don’t know what you want to do. It’s preached go to school and figure it out while you’re there. It’s taught that your job is your life and it is all you really ought to try to achieve. Even as young as 14 this didn't sit right with me, I always dodged the questions. What do you want to be, what school do you want to go to, what would you like to do with your life. Because I learned from a young age that artist wasn’t the answer that they were looking for. 


I learned to fly under the radar because I knew my dream would be easily crushed, but I am stubborn. So I did my best in school and then I made my great escape. Now almost five years later I am about 3 steps away from achieving what I set out to do. 


I have about three things felt to do and then I will not just be an artist who makes things frequently, I will be one who sells these things too. I have an 8 painting series ready to be sold, and that is only the beginning. Once I have my Etsy shop up and running I will begin work on a new series that I am stoked to dive into. 


I made a deal with myself, something in my teens I promised myself I wouldn’t take a job that would make me hate my life. The only real answer I’ve ever really had was that I would be an artist. I am persistent and stubborn and in this space it has severed me well. 


The beginning has always been the most difficult part for me, so I have no doubt that once I can do this the first time all the ones that come after will feel easier. 


It took me a long time to finish this first series, not because the work was particularly tricky, but because I was battling self doubt and crushing fear that I wasn’t enough or wasn’t worthy. Wasn’t worthy to be the one chasing my dreams, because I kept comparing myself to others. Dreams aren’t just the things that come after counting sheep, they are meant to be chased and caught and be made into your wings. Dreams serves a purpose beyond having something nice to think about, they are more than a simple what if. 


So I may be cynical about certain things, and it may take me twice as long to get where I’m going but I’m still standing. Still chasing after my dreams and really I am on the cusp. 

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