Return To Easel

It’s the first layer. I never used to truly enjoy the first layer of a painting. It almost felt pointless, in that I was impatient and wanted to have accomplished more. Now the first layer feels like something akin to freedom. There’s no pressure yet and its really not possible to make a mistake, because 90% will be covered by the final layer anyway. 





After the holiday break and getting caught up in my book writing, I finally got back to painting yesterday. I put the first layer down on a painting that I have been putting off for a year. I had done my initial sketching and plotting of the painting last year, and then have put it off ever since. It wasn’t going to be like my sky series of paintings, not just in technique but in emotional process as well. 


I have previously talked a lot about how my emotional and mental heath impact my creative process, for better or for worse. And well this painting that I was embarking on wasn’t a simple one emotionally. It is my best attempt at processing something that seems impossible. 


In just laying down the first layer, in just beginning, it felt like letting go. There was something that happened two years ago that impacted greatly how I felt and saw something pivotal in my life. It really shook my down to my very core, and I’ve been doing my best to move on and let go. 


This time last year I wasn’t ready to let go, I wasn’t ready to face the reality of the loss and the grief, but now I am. I’m strong enough to face the music of all that could have been and let the disappointment wash over me. I am ready to let go, and hopefully move on to higher and greater things. 


All that from something as simple as a painting. I believe that art and creating is powerful, for both the ones who create and those who gaze. I think art can change lives; and I will probably go on saying that till that day I die, which is fine by me. But really I’m not sure if I would have made it this far if were not for art. 


My head feels clearer today than it has in weeks, and I can’t help but be aware that its because I was painting. Its like working a muscle and the tension that I didn’t know was there finally releases. I rule my creativity or it rules me. 


All that’s to say, start the painting, pull out the sketch book, go dance the dance, sing the song, it can be the most powerful step towards healing and self acceptance. It has helped me to accept myself in every stage, in every pitfall, every darkness, creating has shown the light. 

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