fleeting thoughts

 There are days when I sit down to write and I have nothing new to say, nothing new to offer. Beyond one fleeting thought and emotion, I am the same I was yesterday and the same I’ll be tomorrow. And that’s probably part of life, the boring uneventful middle where we all just keep walking, and hoping. 


Hoping is the hardest part. 


And truly if hopping is the hardest thing I encounter today then maybe I’ll be okay. But maybe I’ll be okay even if I’m not.


And that one fleeting thought it goes something like this: I’ve heard it said that the body keeps score, the things the mind and heart can’t bring themselves to remember the body will hold onto. I wish I wasn’t so forgetful. 


So today all I have is my bleeding heart and the realization that sometimes this is just how the river flows. Sometimes it is just this hard. There isn’t a reason, or grand purpose to the pain, sometimes it just simply is. And all I can really do on days like this is make myself a cup of tea. And sit by window, and have a little heart for myself. 


I’ve been watching the word count slowly climb, and it doesn’t make sense that I’m only at 215, it should be more than that. And it is now, it will climb with every word, but nothing will ever quite grasp just how heavy these words feel. 


I don’t feel I have a lot to give this week, or these days, but I’ll always have honesty. I never run out of honesty to give. So this is the honesty, I’m sad, and I’m tired, and I have hope yet that it will all be okay in the end. 

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