2023's epilogue

Finally this year comes to a close. It went faster than I expected. Far faster than I ever knew years could fly. I’m not sure what I was expecting from this year, but I can say it wasn’t exactly this. What I mean to say is, I made good on more than one promise and accomplished more than I ever excepted myself to. 

I don’t want to brag, for I have sat in the seat of survival being the crowning accomplishment for far longer than I’d like to admit. So all the little and big achievements really just add up to one big one for me. To know that I am more capable than I thought, that I can do more hard things than I gave myself credit for. 

I’m halfway there, five years in, five years free. It took me nearly a decade to get as bad as I did, to walk so far into the darkness. So I don’t mind if it takes me ten years to walk back into the light. But this soon to be past year has felt like the beginning, like the work I’ve put in might just be starting to pay off. I’ve still got much to do, as one once said “miles to go before I sleep,” and I don’t hate it. I welcome the fact that I’m not done, that I’ve got a lot left to do. Feels good. 

So this year has turned out better than I ever would have dreamed for myself. I finally found a “work out” routine that I can stick with, and begrudgingly I feel better. Even though it still feels like some part of my physical health keep falling apart, other pieces, the ones I’ve neglected all these years, feel like they’re coming back to life. So my health feel manageable for the first time in my adult life and what a joy it has and will continue to be.

My writing took a turn I wasn’t completely prepared for. The blog stayed the same more or less, but the stuff  I don’t post, the stuff I write about, yeah that changed in a big way. I stopped only talking about writing and actually acted on it, took my own advise. Now I have a finished second draft of my first novel. What a marvellous strange accomplishment it's been for me. I not only wrote the story from ‘once upon a time’ all the way to ‘the end’ but I went through a whole round of editing. I’ll save the whole process for a post in-an-of-itself, it deserves that much. But it's safe to say I didn’t see my own determination coming. 

There was travel and adventure, much of which I didn’t see coming. More laughter than I could fathom and I thank God truly for that gift. It was one for the books, as they say, and I feel grateful that I get live this life so full of light and love. And peace, can’t do without the peace. 

It strange how not shocked I am to be at the end of another year. I’ve been awake the whole time and that itself is a shock and awe. A good one but still. 

The coming year once again has great behemoths looming on the horizon, and once again I face them with trepidation and anticipation. The older I get the more I know what the future looks like and I find it odd. Odd enough to tilt my head, but not odd enough to let it stop me. I’m going to prepare myself to face the coming giants, because mark my words they are coming, but unlike years past I’ll be armed to the teeth. It’s one thing to see the big hard things coming, its another to be ready for them. So this time I’ll be ready. 

Bring it one 2024 I’m ready this time. I can hardly wait to see what the next has in store for me, both which I can see and that which I cannot. I don’t need a breather this time, I wear peace like a coat and wield hope like a sword. I can’t say for certain what this next year holds, but can say for darn sure I’m ready to find out.