I'd like to

My head is empty these days. I’d like to say its because something profound is happening but really its just the continuing. The continuing of life and its daily routines, the quiet normal-ness of doing the same thing day after day. 


I often long for a simple life, a life lead quietly and without grand intensity. Well I might be a bit of a liar. Just a teeny-tiny one, because I really do desire after peace and little else, but I do so love adventure and the occasional challenge. 


I’ve got a lot of thoughts and nowhere to put them. So I guess saying my head is empty isn’t all that honest. But I’m not actively creating anything so my brain is getting a little silly I guess. I suppose the nightly knitting isn’t quite cutting it anymore. 


The waiting periods in life have the opportunity to produce the sweetest victory, or the most bitter defeat. I’d like to think I’m about to enter into victory unparalleled. But sometimes when you come upon the end of the journey, can finally see the true light at the end the tunnel, the precipice becomes an unsteady feeling. Because you know going through the fire is the fastest way, but its still running through fire.


They say that in times of trial, or just simply hard times, whatever is in will come out. Well when the tough gets going the poet starts writing. So the poetic is all that comes out right now, all that makes any lick of sense to me. 


It’s an odd time and an okay time. It’s the weeks spent being a 20 something and really feeling that reality. How some friends are married and having babies and other are traveling the world, and well I’m sitting at home writing, and writing, and writing. And I’m not mad, not jealous, or discontent, really I’m happy to sit where I do and stay in my lane. But there are moments. 


And I’ve been packing boxes for a year now and I’ve come to be equally okay with it and be sick of it. Because packing boxes is so much more than just moving things for their selves into new containers. Its significant and prophetic, its symbolic and practical, but most of all it brings up and out the things I’d long wished stayed buried. 


So I guess this is my example, the thing I’ll one day show my future family, to say see this is what being a 20 something artist was like. My example of what a “normal” day inside my head is like. The ups and downs, the profound and mundane, the golden and the rusted. This is an example of my humanity and I think I’ll keep it that way. If only for myself, so one day I’ll be able to remember, when it matters most. 

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