more than okay

In my twenties Easter has been a holiday that has passed me by without incident, thought, or really much care. This year is no different really, only thought I’ve given it is that I haven’t thought of it. It snuck up on me and thats all I’ve really noticed. It wasn’t, hasn’t, always been like this. 

When I was young it was a holiday celebrated with community and fun. From egg hunts to potlucks, yes the Easters of my childhood were mild but memorable. Now as much of my family is made up of adults and ones close to it Easter seems to have taken on a certain sombreness, or maybe thats just me. I can only imagine that when I have a family of my own it will take on a mild joy once more, or maybe finding community will skew my view. Either way Easter feels odd to me. 


To add to my continued view of the holiday, events outside of and not inconsequence of said holiday seem to happen around it’s date. A number of years ago I found myself in a country that I never thought I’d end up in, and had I known what it would take to arrive in I would never have desired to go to. Yet there I was in a country that held great significance, in ways I might never be able to explain or truly know. 


I have not loved Easter, not the way I do Thanksgiving or Christmas, so I suppose its only normal that I would lack the awareness of its date every year. I suppose in a small and sad way my love of the holiday is tainted by what I know it could look like, and how it has not looked like that in many, many years. I also suppose I’m in a bit of mood to be honest and don’t feel much like celebrating. 


Easter has come to be a time of reflection, and one that feels all too sobering and not all authentic. It’s a bit forced on my end, because I’ve got it into my head that I ought to care more than I do. 


But heres the thing, I’ll make and decorate cupcakes, and have a nice meal with my family and that will be that. And maybe that’s all it needs to look like this year. I guess some years celebration is small and contained to living rooms, and maybe that’s more than okay. 

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